I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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