So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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