1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
