I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
