I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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