yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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