Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
