she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
