The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
