i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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