I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you made out with another girl for some wings
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
