I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
