He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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