Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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