85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
