guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
