you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
