She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
