thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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