i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
