I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
