You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
