he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
