she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
