HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
