like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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