three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
