Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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