I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
