I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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