The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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