I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
