Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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