What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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