Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
