No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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