Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
