So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
