you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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