That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
