he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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