I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
