dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need help removing her.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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