They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
