How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
