so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
