Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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