the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
