What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
