She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
