So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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