Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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