Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Farmville is her only friend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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