After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
