It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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