party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
